Slaying in the Rain
by Hope3
Summary: It's a rainy night in Sunnydale and weird stuff happens.


Weird Title: Slaying in the Rain 

Authors: Hope and Christine 

Rating: PG for mild violence and sex 

Summary: It's a rainy night in Sunnydale and weird stuff happens. 

_ POW POW POW! _ The small robot fell over,a nearly unrecognizable pile of twisted shrapnel. 

Buffy Summers dusted off her hands with satisfaction and smiled. This new video game of Dawn's was a great way for her to improve her eye hand coordination. Who would have guessed something so apparently useless would have some sort of use? 

Suddenly the thunderstorm that had been brewing outside of the Summers' house broke with incredible fury. Thunder rolled, lightening flashed, and bzzzt- out went the lights. And the electricity. 

"Buffy!" Dawn's voice cried from the top of the stairs. "My stereo just went out." 

"The power's out, Dawn," Buffy called back. 

There was a moment of silence before Dawn came thundering down the stairs. "I'm bored," She announced upon leaping into the living room. 

"How can you be bored? The power just went out like a second ago," Buffy snapped a little too harshly. It was hard for her to be calm around her sister lately. She felt like there was too much pressure for her to handle when it came to Dawn. 

"Can we go out?" Dawn pleaded. "I want to get something to eat." 

"Dawn, its midnight and there is a killer storm out there right now- not to mention lots of other nasty creepy crawlies! What do you think?" 

Dawn frowned, her feelings obviously hurt. 

"No, wait- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap. How about we do something fun here at home?" Buffy tried to make it up to her little sister. 

"Well, Ok. How about we…." Dawn cast her eyes around the room lit only by the glow of lightening flashes. "Start with candles? We can light lots of pretty smelling candles and stuff! I have some in my room…" Without waiting for an answer, Dawn ran at a breakneck pace up the stairs in the dark towards her room. 

Dawn had just disappeared around the corner, when Buffy heard the most horrible screams coming from outside her house. Her Slayer senses in overload, she instinctively grabbed a stake and dashed out the door without a second thought. 

Lying on her lawn under a burning branch, was the bleached blonde vampire himself. 

"Spike!" Buffy cried in shock before bending down to lift the branch of him. "What the hell are you doing out here?" 

"Well, I wanted a tan and I figured this might be a good night to get one," He joked as he attempted to put out the flame on his elbow. 

Buffy rolled her eyes and started back toward her house. 

"Thank you!" He called after her, the puppy dog look back in his eyes. Buffy was already back in the house though. 

Dawn bounced back down the stairs, her arms full of lit and unlit candles and a jumbo box of matches. She stopped dead when she saw the state Buffy was in. 

"Buffy! How on earth did you get so wet?" 

"Oh, I just went for a little stroll, ran into a small fire, and came back inside. That's all." 

At that very moment a faint knocking was heard on the front door. 

"Dawn, don't answer it!" 

It was too late. Dawn had set her candles on the hallway table and flung the door open wide. Peering out into the rain, she was shocked to discover the piteous figure of Spike. 

"Take pity on a poor vampire who's expensive leather clothing is bein' ruined, will ya?" He pressed himself against the barrier holding him out of the house, trying to escape some of the pouring rain. Indeed, he was a pitiful sight with streams of water running all over his face and down the back of his neck. 

"Well su-" Dawn was about to invite Spike in, but Buffy interrupted her before she could finish her invitation. 

"No! Dawn! You should know better!" Buffy admonished her, slamming the door shut in Spike's face. 

"Buffy! That was really mean!" 

"He's a vampire Dawn, you are supposed to be mean to vampires. They are mean to us." 

"He's not mean to me!" 

Buffy shook her head stubbornly. "Really, Dawn-" 

_ Crash _

"What was that?" Dawn whispered. Her eyes jerked around the room, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. 

"It came from upstairs," Buffy replied calmly. "You stay right here. I will be back in a moment." 

"Where is she?" A masculine voice thundered from the stairs. "Where is Anyanka?" The troll god wandered into the room. "You, blonde girl. I have seen you before. Do you know where Anyanka is?" 

"Buffy?" Dawn hissed uncertainly in her sister's ear. She automatically cowered behind the Slayer. That was generally the safest place to be. 

"How'd you get here?" Buffy asked him. 

"I need to see Anyanka," He growled. "You will take me to her." 

"Uh uh, not so fast," Buffy snapped. "Willow banished you from here. You're supposed to be in a troll dimension with your minions, not in my living room." 

"Willow, you mean that witch?" He laughed loudly. "She couldn't do a spell to save her life. She simply sent me across your world. Now, about that other wench-" 

"I won't let you anywhere near her," Buffy said in an incredibley calm voice. "I thought you might say that," He replied. With one swift movement, he grabbed Dawn and wrapped his arm around her neck. "Either you take me to Anyanka or I make merry with this one." His eyes lit up disgustingly as he surveyed the viciously squirming Dawn. 

"Buffy!" She cried desperately as she attempted to get out of his grasp. 

Buffy's eyes widened. Almost by reflex she leapt into action, attacking the troll god. A blow that would have shattered even a vampire's skull merely made him laugh as he fended her off with one arm. 

Dawn continued to squirm as Buffy said, almost to herself, "This is not going to work…" 

~*~ A few minuites later ~*~ 

"Now, Anyanka lives right down the hall here, to the right. No, no, your other right!" Buffy attempted to keep up with the troll god's huge strides. He didn't even seem to notice a squirming Dawn under one arm or the Spike hanging on his neck, attempting to cause him bodily injury. Like the fleas that lived in abundance on his hairy self, he simply ignored them. 

"That one, that door." The troll god promptly tore a door off its hinges, and forced his way into the room, taking a significant portion of the surrounding wall with him. 

"NO! Not that one!" Buffy managed to steer him towards the correct apartment after making hasty apologies to the stunned 6-B occupants and stepping on Spike. He'd been knocked off buy the barrier keeping him out of private residencies. She even managed to get the door open before the troll tore it apart- a major accomplishment. 

"Xander!" Anya cried happily. "Oh, Xander!" 

"Ahem," Buffy's voice sounded from their living room. "I hate to interrupt you guys at a time like this, but um an old friend wanted to see you Anya." 

"Anyanka!" Olaf's voice bellowed. "Where are you? I could hear your moans out in the hallway." 

"We could hear you," Spike said from the doorway. "You sounded very happy." 

"Eww!" Dawn cried. "Were they-" 

"So, now that I've brought you to Anyanka, will you please release my sister?" Buffy inquired. 

"Not yet," Olaf snarled. "Anyanka, get yourself dressed and get out here! I need to make you feel jealous and it doesn't work when you're making the merry with someone else." 

The bedroom door swung open at that and Anya emerged wearing a silk robe. "Olaf," She said in an obviously fake cheerful voice. "How nice to see your ugly face again." 

"Strange how you did not think it was so ugly a thousand years ago." 

"One thousand one hundred years ago, you mean," She replied calmly as she poured herself a cup of coffee. "Coffee, anyone?" 

"I could use a cup," Buffy told her. "It's been a very long night." 

"Where's the little man?" Olaf demanded. "He should hear this too." 

"He's on the telephone," Anya answered. "He's calling a friend of ours." The look in her eyes told Buffy exactly who that friend was. 

"Tell him to get off and come in here," Olaf ordered. "I want him to meet someone very special to me." 

Dawn demanded angrily, "Aren't you ever going to let me go you great big oaf? You smell!" 

The troll god looked down at her disdainfully. "Pesty human, be quiet or I shall twist your head off." 

Anya butted in here. "Not in here you won't! It would take forever to clean up the mess, the last time you did that- it took me days to get the stain out of the furniture." 

At that moment Xander raced into the room half dressed. He was still pulling a wrinkled shirt up over his head. 

"Ah, little man. You have arrived. The bargain between me and the blonde one is completed. You may go, blond wench. And you may take your small sibling with you." With that he dropped a squeaking Dawn on the floor. 

Spike called in from the hall, "You had better watch it with Slayer's sister. Don't treat her rough or- I'll come after you! Protect her honor and stuff!" 

"Shut up Spike." This came from several voices at once. Buffy strode across the room and slammed the door in his face- again. A muffled "Hey!" was barely audible through the door. 

"Now," Olaf said with a large grin. "Let us go to a place of ale and women. There we will find my woman. You are not the only one to have moved on to other interests, Anyanka. You will see that soon." 

~ A Few Minutes Later ~ "Harmony!" Spike cried as the group entered the Bronze. Sure enough, seated at the bar was the platinum babe herself. 

"Spikey!" She squealed. "I mean, Spike. What are you doing here? I told you never to look at me again." 

"That was your deal, pet," He cooed. "Now, what are you doing in my town?" 

"She is my woman." Olaf then proceeded to knock Spike down so he could stand next to his new girlfriend. 

"Oh, Buffy," Harmony said to the Slayer. "I hope you don't mind, but I told my hunk of steel where you lived. I knew you would be able to take him to her." She glared at Anya. 

"Hey!" Anya shouted. "What'd I do?" 

"You broke my baby's heart!" Harmony scowled. "He was so upset when I found him. You should've seen him. Raping that twelve year old didn't even make him a little itty bit happy!" 

"Woman, shut your mouth," Olaf slapped the back of her head, sending her flying into Xander and knocking both of them under the table next to Spike, who was still trying to get back up. Olaf could hit hard enough to stun even a vampire. 

"Ok," Buffy snapped. "That does it. You hurt my friend. No more miss nice Slayer." 

The troll god turned to face Buffy. "And what will you do, blonde wench? You are no more than fleas!" 

Buffy frowned angrily. "Well, I'll think of something!" 

Olaf turned to face Anya. "Are you jealous Anyanka? I have another woman now." He reached over and dragged Harmony over to his side, interrupting the argument she was having with Spike. 

Anya looked thoughtful. "Well, no actually." 

Olaf flung his arms into the air in frustration. "What must a troll do!" 

While Olaf was busy being dramatic (and frightening the other patrons) Willow and Tara hurried into the Bronze. Xander had left a note on his front door, telling them where he went, so they had rushed off, expecting another disaster. They were pleasantly surprised to find that Olaf hadn't started tearing the walls down yet, though he looked as if he was ready to start any minuite. 

Meanwhile Anya was being typically tactless. "Well, to start with, you should take a bath. And get some flea powder. You really never got the hang of personal hygeine, did you?" Spike picked himself off the floor and leaned against a handy pillar, posing for Buffy's benefit. She, of course, didn't care, but Olaf did, and since he lacked any sort of intelligence, he jumped straight to the wrong conclusions. 

"Small creature, my woman is with me now. You cannot steal her from me! She no longer wishes to be yours." Startled, Spike was about to deny he wanted anything to do with Harmony. Olaf took this the wrong way. Of course. He pouded his fist on the bar, creating a large and very deep crack. "You want to fight? You are challenging Olaf!" Ugly face lit with joy at the prospect of a fight, Olaf started towards Spike. 

Harmony squealed. "Oooh! They're fighting over me! This is so… like, medieval!" Willow and Tara were busy trying to remain unnoticed. Everytime they started the spell to get rid of Olaf again someone would interrupt them. One particularily clumsy young man even spilled his soda all over the diagram they'd sketched on the floor. That disaster took over five minuites to rectify because they had to clean up the spilled soda before they could redraw the diagram. 

"Willow!" Dawn yelled upon spotting the witches in a booth across the Bronze. "Willow, we're over here." 

"Willow?" Olaf barked at her. "You mean that witch? Anyanka, you sent for her. I'll teach you-" 

"AHHH!" Spike cried as he launched himself onto the troll. He was quickly followed by Buffy and then by Xander, Anya, Dawn, and a minute later by Willow and Tara. 

"Foolish mortals!" Olaf bellowed as he chucked Tara into a table. "You are no match for me. I am almighty. I should be worshiped and adored by all." 

"What?" Harmony shrieked. "You expect me to worship you- you pig. I will never worship you!" 

"Not now, woman," Olaf hissed as he attempted to remove Spike from his neck. 

"That's it, buster," Harmony remarked. "I've read all the books and I know better than to let some creep like you call me your woman. I am strong and beautiful and smart and I don't need you. We are so over." 

With that said, Harmony turned around and pranced out of the Bronze, blonde hair and posterier swinging from side to side. "Woman! Woman, wait!" Olaf called after her as threw all of the Scoobies of him. He then charged after Harmony with such speed the Bronze quavered and the remaining brave patrons fell to the ground. "Woman! Woman, wait!" A moment's pause. "Harmony, come back to me!" 

"Harmony and Olaf. Now, that is one couple I never thought I'd see," Buffy said, her mouth twitching as though on the verge of laughter. 

"Only in fan fiction," Xander replied, his head shaking with laughter. "So, what do you guys think they'll do to us next?" 

"I heard a rumor I might end up in a bunny costume because Buffy dared me to overcome my fear of the wretched creatures," Anya said with a shudder. 

"Don't worry, Anya," Xander said soothingly. "I'll protect you if that happens." "Well, I always get the strangest stories," Spike pointed out. "I mean, I think this whole last season was written by fan fic writers. Me in love with the Slayer? Who would've thought?" 

"What's so strange about that?" Buffy snapped. 

"You think you have it bad?" Willow asked him before an argument could break out. "Look at Giles. How many times has be been knocked unconscious?" 

"Poor British guy," Xander said sympathetically. 

"Where is Giles anyway?" Tara wondered. 

"They probably forgot to write him in," Dawn replied. 

"Stupid fan fic writers," Buffy, Dawn, Willow, Tara, Xander, Spike, and Anya said at once as they headed to the Magic Shoppe to check on the forgotten Watcher. 

Author's Notes: 

Ok, that was very weird. It's just a story I wrote with my friend Christine the other day when we were really bored. I wrote the blue part and she wrote the green part. 

Besides everyone behaving strangely and the situations being impossible, I don't think it was _ that _ bad. 

Oh, and feedback is always great! Thanks for any we get! And, sorry for typos, major mistakes, etc. 

- Hope (and Christine) 

Disclaimer: 

I do NOT own Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It belongs to Joss Whedon, FOX, etc. Not to me or my friend Christine! The End. 


End file.
